Thrills, chills and spills - and that's just my trips to the kitchen during commercials

I am an Olympics freak.

I love everything about them, although there are sports in both the Summer and Winter Olympics I can live without: Winter - women's hockey, cross country skiing, and curling; Summer - basketball, volleyball, and certain track events.

The opening ceremonies are always great because you know the athletes are going to get wasted when the cameras stop rolling. Then they're really fun to watch when they try to compete with hangovers. This is particularly true for the downhill skiers. Barreling down the side of a mountain with last night's buzz is never pretty, but frequently entertaining.

The snowboarders are fun to watch 'cause they're pretty much stoned, or on their way to getting stoned the entire event. Watching the media interview them is hilarious. "Well, Flying Tomato, what was it like out there when you lost your footing? Were you putting too much pressure on yourself?"

"Shyeah - I was freaked, man. I wasn't putting any pressure on myself at all. I was totally loose. It's like, make it all the way out here and not make the finals? Bogus." He laughs, throws a hang ten, asks where the snacks are and wins the gold medal in the next round.

And the Luge guys outfits are so tight they all walk around super straight backed, scowling 'cause they can't wait to dig out the wedgie and have their man parts back where they belong...

Or can they?

It's just so fun to watch someone else under pressure for a change. No matter how tough things get, at least I don't have to do it in front of 30 million people.