Sunday, May 20, 2007

Top 10 Things That Suck About This Graduation Time of Year

1. I never graduated from anything other than Defensive Driving.

2. Running into people you knew in high school who DID graduate, are still dumber than rocks, and make more money than you.

3. Trying to figure out an appropriate graduation gift (A case of beer? Gift card? Crotchless panties?)

4. Coming up with an appropriate response when the graduate explains his 5-year plan, which includes professional surfing, touring inland China, and becoming a UFC champion fighter - not necessarily in that order.

5. Graduation parties - which are not parties at all, but rather a gathering of older people who "remember when," younger people who are waiting for the older people to leave so the real party can start, and kids who are just there for the cake.

6. Realizing the graduate is younger than most of your CD collection.

7. Sifting through a crowd of sweaty people you just fought for a parking place, trying to find a seat where you can see more than the person's head in front of you, then sitting through hours of hard-to-hear speeches and hand clapping before having to fight the same sweaty masses back to the car.

8. Pomp and Circumstance.

9. Maternity graduation gowns.

10. Inevitably, the guy who streaks naked across the stage to get his diploma doesn't have a cute butt.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was stuck at one of those parties Saturday when 2 people were kind enough to die in a head-on collision. and two others were critically injured and flown via Life Flight.
Four phone calls later - I had no choice but to leave and go cover it, and could actually make it appear I was sorry to leave...

That being said, where's the book??? I need you to finish it and get famous so I can sell trashy stories about you to tabloids. My truck is getting old. Be a pal... ;)


10:29 PM  
Blogger Master of My Own Small Universe said...

It took four phone calls? Man I love being a firefighter... pager goes off and I'm gone.

11) Watching graduates walk across the stage that really have no right being there... but you are SO glad they are.

6:40 AM  
Blogger Ann Munition said...

I am personally fond of UFC fighting..

Don't feel bad my graduation one but my parents came..

oh well..

Just another way hallmark and the retail industry cons you out of money for gives they will not remember in a month.

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It took 4 calls b/c I don't go unless there's a corpse on the weekend. The bigger papers don't cover bad wrecks, just fatal ones - unless there are really bizarre details or a public figure involved.
Besides, I was eating some really excellent chicken salad with Ritz crackers at the time...

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Tana said...

People should read this.

12:19 AM  

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