Boo-frickety-hoo
I went shopping yesterday with my mom and sister Terri and new daughter-in-law, Ali. We had a nice time - I loved seeing everybody - but I have very little patience with anybody these days, and it makes me feel really crappy.
My mom is getting older, so I should just smile and nod and go along with listening to the same story she's told me a hundred and fifty times, but I end up cutting her off and telling her she's already told me that. She bitches about not having any money, losing her teeth and looking old, so all I want to do is tell her, "Then quit smoking." But I've tried that angle before and it only starts a fight, so I just let her talk. She insists on rehashing old grievances, especially about my ex, with Ali sitting right there, and puts everybody down all the time - I just can't stand it. It's exhausting and it gives me a headache.
I also, inevitably, spend money on stupid crap I shouldn't when I'm with her because that's what she does.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep for hours because I feel like such a bitch. Mom being old reminds me that I'm getting old, and it depresses the crap out of me because I feel like I'm headed for the same end. Except I won't have any money because I never got an education and I'm 42 fricking years old working at WALGREENS for $7.75 an hour. And I'm not getting to be with my kids because I have to work nights!!! So they are going to be grown and gone with memories of vegging out in front of their tv's, stuck in their rooms, eating macaroni and cheese every night alone.
On a more positive note, I went to the social security office yesterday and officially had my name changed to Cassie Gregory.
Yay me.
My mom is getting older, so I should just smile and nod and go along with listening to the same story she's told me a hundred and fifty times, but I end up cutting her off and telling her she's already told me that. She bitches about not having any money, losing her teeth and looking old, so all I want to do is tell her, "Then quit smoking." But I've tried that angle before and it only starts a fight, so I just let her talk. She insists on rehashing old grievances, especially about my ex, with Ali sitting right there, and puts everybody down all the time - I just can't stand it. It's exhausting and it gives me a headache.
I also, inevitably, spend money on stupid crap I shouldn't when I'm with her because that's what she does.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep for hours because I feel like such a bitch. Mom being old reminds me that I'm getting old, and it depresses the crap out of me because I feel like I'm headed for the same end. Except I won't have any money because I never got an education and I'm 42 fricking years old working at WALGREENS for $7.75 an hour. And I'm not getting to be with my kids because I have to work nights!!! So they are going to be grown and gone with memories of vegging out in front of their tv's, stuck in their rooms, eating macaroni and cheese every night alone.
On a more positive note, I went to the social security office yesterday and officially had my name changed to Cassie Gregory.
Yay me.
posted by Cas at 2:01 PM
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