Tuesday, June 30, 2009

And that's no yolk

I love to watch the show Jon & Kate Plus 8. It's a family show and something Savannah and I enjoy watching together.

It comes on Monday nights, which works out perfectly because Dalt has fire department meetings those nights, so we get to settle down on the couch with our throw blanket and popcorn and see what those rascally sextuplets are up to every week.

Only it's been pretty sad lately.

When I first saw the rumors of a troubled marriage and tabloid pics in line at the grocery store, I was quick to write it off as trouble-mongering by the press. But then this season started, and Jon and Kate were doing separate interviews on the couch. Savannah asked me about it, but I said the stories probably weren't true because the press likes to exaggerate things so they can sell magazines.

Then last night we watched the repeat of last week's show where Jon & Kate announced they were separating and it said they had filed for divorce, so I couldn't avoid the sadness anymore. Or Savannah's questions.

We talked about divorce and where the kids would go and what would change for them. Unlike my kids, they are going to get to stay in their home and keep their dogs and not have to go through what we did with the move and everything. Savannah said she misses our old house because it had a pool, and I told her that was a normal thing to feel. Then we talked about the good things in our life now.

I feel very sad for Jon & Kate and their family. They are people I don't even know, but I know what they are going through. I know what it feels like to face an unknown future you never thought you would, but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on going anyway. I know what it's like to have to shrug off the comfort and security of familiarity because the status quo could not continue if honesty was to be addressed at all. And I know, utterly, the all- encompassing, gut-wrenching guilt of dragging your innocent kids through it all with you.

The other thing I know is that there are no completely innocent or completely guilty individuals when it comes to divorce.

Marriage is hard work. It requires intense (sometimes uncomfortable) levels of communication, compromise, support for each other, selflessness and stubbornness -- the stubbornness borne of not accepting defeat. And it takes two for that. Both people have to be able to see themselves and each other as imperfect, flawed creatures who need grace and forgiveness on a daily basis.

That's the key to every relationship really, isn't it? Realizing we all fail, we all need help, and God made all of us. If He can forgive us and go forward, we certainly should be able to forgive each other. But as it turns out, we even need His help for that. (See the above "flawed creatures" reference.)

At any rate, you can't unscramble an egg. You just have to throw some cheese on it, slap it on a flour tortilla and accept the fact that it may not be what it once was, but it still tastes pretty darn good.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I needed you to write what you did at this time in my life. I am working so hard to stay in my marriage and not think of "going it alone". There is nooone else in my life outside of my marriage but it is in the rut. I have planned dates for us to go on when I am off on either Tues. or Wed. night. I think our marriage will keep-David has been good to me-but like you said marriage takes a lot of work on both sides. Thank you Cassie.

12:55 PM  

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