Adventures in Thyroidia - a galaxy far, far away

I had to have a nuclear iodine uptake thyroid test. It was as fun as it sounds.

It involved swallowing a radioactive pill ("like little x-rays so we can take a picture of your thyroid"), going back to work for 6 hours, and returning to the hospital to lay with my neck craned in the air for an hour and a half while they took pictures.

When I go in for the pill that morning I knew it couldn't be good when the guy hands me a vial and tells me, "I'm not touching this. Don't touch it with your fingers or hands. Don't let it touch any surface. Drop it straight on your tongue and swallow it. But it's perfectly safe."

Wow. I felt perfectly safe.

I came back later and did the whole laying on my back with my neck in the air thing. (Note to self: Don't wear a skirt when you're going to be laying on your back on a cold, hard frickin' table for an hour and a half with your neck in the air. Iron some @#$% pants!)

This huge flat panel came down over me and I'm slightly claustrophobic so it was not the most pleasant experience. I concentrated on watching the screen to try to make the time go by faster but there are only so many Star Trek/Starship Enterprise scenarios I can come up with in that position. (My thyroid looked kind of like the Enterprise with electrical issues. I assumed the crew had a run-in with Klingons earlier and Scotty was dealing with it).

Then I got to wait around to see a bored Radiologist who prodded my throat, looked at the pictures of my Enterprise, er..., thyroid, and told me in his bored radiologist's voice I had an everyday, run of the mill, big thyroid with a lump and my doctor would get back with me.

I asked for a complimentary pencil to plunge into his jugular, but alas, it was the end of the day so they must have just run out. Maybe next time.

The evening before all of this, I'd enjoyed a wonderful meal of sushi with friends and my fortune cookie said, "Others take notice of your radiance."

You can't make this stuff up.