Sunday, October 22, 2006

Jaded is my color of choice

It's Sunday night. I had to work yesterday, so it doesn't really feel like I had a weekend.

I have become so self absorbed that I'm missing all kinds of signals from people around me.

There was a time when I was an observer. Life's pace was slow enough for me to blend into the background and watch. I could pick apart anyone and decide which road they should take, what decisions would be best for them and the issues they needed to deal with before they could progress. I would never tell them any of this of course, because who would listen? But I had it all figured out.

Now, every morning I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I spend the rest of the day trying to catch myself. I think I know the people around me, but I don't really. Something always happens to throw me a curve and I realize I was so wrong.

I'm tired. Of trying to figure things out. Of always being in a hurry. Of wishing I were somewhere else. Of not being who I should be. Of not living up to expectations. Of letting down people I love.

But most of all, I'm tired of trying to decide what to wear to work every day and having to spend so much time on my hair.



Blogger Cat said...

You know, I'm with ya sister. I wish I could just wear a uniform to work and shave my head. Then I wouldn't have to worry! :-)

11:19 AM  

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