Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming...

Everybody should watch "Finding Nemo" again. I've seen this movie a bazillion times, and still get something new from it every time. Really.

This time, I realized I am Marlin, the over-protective, micro-manager dad who faces his worst fear when his only son is taken away right in front of his eyes.

Now, Marlin was fearful before his son even came along. His suspicion that the ocean was a big, scary, dangerous place was confirmed when his wife and all of their babies (but one) were wiped out in one fell swoop by a vicious barracuda. The only thing more scary than the ocean was the thought of his son out there - all alone - and life without him. So Marlin sets out on an impossible quest.

(Okay, there are a few differences between me and Marlin, but the suspicious, over-protective, micro-manager part is spot on.)

Right when Marlin thinks he's reached a dead end, he meets Dory. Exasperating, joyfully oblivious, Dory. She doesn't have much of a short-term memory, but she never lets that get her down. In fact, her ability to face life with an open heart and positive attitude is the very thing that keeps opening the way for Marlin to find his son.

(We could probably all do with some short term memory loss. Our memories of past failures and disappointments can be the very thing that keep us from experiencing new triumphs and joys. And by we, I mean me.)

But the part of the movie that got me this time was near the end, when Dory and Marlin are in the belly of a whale. Sound familiar? I know. They are in the belly of a whale and Marlin, even though it's been proven time and time again that Dory knows what she's talking about, refuses to listen to her. He is so convinced that he has to rescue his son through his own efforts, efforts that haven't exactly been working out so far, that he stubbornly holds onto the whale when he should be letting go. But he can't hold on forever. When he gets to the end of his strength, he has no choice but to let go. He finds himself in a free-fall, then he gets hurled up into the air, spins and falls again, back into the ocean. When the bubbles settle, he discovers he's right where he was trying to get the whole time. In spite of himself.

Isn't that good?

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

It always does

I love my life. I am so blessed and fortunate to have my children and my husband. Every day when I wake up and let the dogs out and get the coffee going, my heart swells with the wonderfulness of it. The kids are settled in and enjoying school, Dalton is doing what he loves and has a great schedule (except for having to teach GED classes two nights a week.) Can anybody ask for better than that? :)

I've been struggling so much with what I should do, what I should be, do I go back to school, do I not go back to school, etc., I haven't even noticed that being who I am right now and doing what I'm doing right now is pretty great. The rest of the stuff is just going to have to sort itself out.