No matter what you perceive
The toxicology report came back yesterday and Nathan was as clean as he said he was. There were no drugs or alcohol in his system at the time of his death. Which is as wonderful as it is horrible.
Now his death seems even more senseless. We can't blame it on drugs. He had to have just pushed his body too far, holding his breath until he passed out. And God saw fit to keep him. Which is not senseless, just what was best for Nate.
What this leaves me with is the uncomfortable awareness that I don't always know what I think I do. It also gives me the opportunity to change the way I view things. Definitely with a more open mind.
Nobody likes to face their own fallibility. We all like to think there is a point at which we know certain things are true, a point at which we are absolutely right. But sometimes we're wrong. And sometimes we'll just never know all the answers. That's just the way it is, baby.
I may lose faith in myself, but I don't ever for a second lose faith in God.
Now his death seems even more senseless. We can't blame it on drugs. He had to have just pushed his body too far, holding his breath until he passed out. And God saw fit to keep him. Which is not senseless, just what was best for Nate.
What this leaves me with is the uncomfortable awareness that I don't always know what I think I do. It also gives me the opportunity to change the way I view things. Definitely with a more open mind.
Nobody likes to face their own fallibility. We all like to think there is a point at which we know certain things are true, a point at which we are absolutely right. But sometimes we're wrong. And sometimes we'll just never know all the answers. That's just the way it is, baby.
I may lose faith in myself, but I don't ever for a second lose faith in God.
posted by Cas at 11:33 PM
2 Comments:
Well not sure what to say hear I am still so sorry for your loss but like you said at least now we know it was just god wanting him back and not something much more senseless.
Amen, Cas. Keep the faith - this grieving process can take a long time but as long as you keep the faith, you are heading in the right direction to recovery and at some point gaining the faith back in yourself. Prayers and thoughts to you and your family through this loss - E :)
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