Tra-la-la

The coolest thing about my new job is the music. The format for the radio station is "adult contemporary" with some oldies and country thrown in for good measure. Surprisingly, some of the songs are really good - stuff I haven't heard in years. And we get to listen to it all day. I like it a lot.

The worst part about my new job is hearing my voice on the radio... and trying to figure out what to talk about between sets. Oh, and the fricking traffic log; that sucks.

I no longer lead an exciting, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants life. But I should be able to dig out of debt sooner. And I get to stay home once I get there at night. No more listening to the scanner for me.

Sigh.

Did I mention I get to listen to music all day?

The new kid on the block

I have made it through my first week of being the newbie, the dummy, the whatever you want to call the new person on a job who doesn't know their @#$ from a hole in the ground. I hated it, but I survived. Now it's not so bad, but it's still not so great.

My brain has developed stretch marks, but other than that - piece of cake, man! You gotta love it when the person training you says, "There's not really a fixed way of doing this, you just have to do it."

I haven't posted in a while because my computer is sick again, and I've actually been tied up at the new job (it was fun, but I think I would prefer the fur lined wrist straps - or maybe leather).

Stay tuned...

Always go for the epidural

My son, Zach, is a Marine; he’s home on leave now, with his girlfriend, before shipping out to Iraq in February.

This time 21 years ago, I was pregnant with him. It felt like I was terminally pregnant. He was my first child, so I thought labor was going to be like you see on TV. You know, cute and manageable and Lamaze was going to get me through it.

They induced my labor on January 22, 1985. It was neither cute nor manageable, and Lamaze is bullshit. But before it got really bad, I found myself alone for a few minutes in my lovely birthing room. Just me and Zach.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, at the roundness of my belly that wasn’t going to be round anymore, and I had a talk with that boy. (I knew he was a boy; no ultrasound needed.) I told him our lives were about to change and that we would never be so close again. It was going to be strange and different, but I loved him with everything in me. I apologized for not really knowing what I was doing, but promised I’d try my best to be a good mom. I warned him that I would screw up, because parents do, but he would understand someday. He pushed a foot out at me and I knew he understood. Either that or he was telling me to shut up.

13 – ½ hours later, I met him face to face. He didn’t look anything like I thought he would. He had a head full of dark hair - I thought he would be bald. He was kind of dark and intense and looked just like his dad. Every time they handed him to me in the hospital, it felt like Christmas. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.

I’ve lived up to my word. I haven’t really known what I was doing most of the time, I screw up more often than not, and I love him with everything in me. Of course, I can’t tell him that now - he’s a bad-ass Marine.

But last night I caught him.

We’ve both been keeping our game faces on because we know how to suck it up and do what needs to be done. We know it’s going to be hard, but it’ll go by fast. We don’t need to say it. But last night, I grabbed him and gave him a hug and told him I loved him. For a big second, it was just me and Zach.

And then I let him go.

Any decision is better than none... maybe... I can't decide

While DeDe was here (see last entry – she’s my friend who really listens), we were taking a freeway exit and I told her about an accident I had seen there.  

There are traffic barrels in the ‘V’ where the exit splits from the freeway and an SUV had plowed straight into it, killing the driver.  The driver must have either waited too long to decide which road to take, or changed lanes too late and crashed into the median.  

Whatever the situation, it doesn’t say much for riding the middle of the road.

Ouch.

To friends who know us better than they wanted to...

One of my best friends in the world left me to return to Idaho today after a week long visit for my 40th birthday.  I met her when I was 16 and she was almost 18, and she knows me just about as well as anyone on the face of this planet could know me.  

We had a great week.  We ate a lot, drank a lot, and laughed a lot.  We got misty eyed a few times.  And she reminded me of some dreams I’d forgotten about.

She also quoted back to me things I’d forgotten I’d ever said.  Thoughts that fly through my head on a regular basis that I thought no one knew about, or cared to know about.  It was kind of nice, but disturbing.  Sometimes I share things to vent and get them off my chest, never realizing that the person I’m sharing them with might actually be listening.

Yikes.

On change, free falling, country music, and dancing

Ok.  Enough already.  I’ve had so many life changes in the last four months my head hurts.

I received a phone call a few days ago from a local radio station.  Turns out they want me.  At a radio station.  Me.

Can someone please tell me which road I turned down that led to the twilight zone?

My inner slacker was just getting adjusted to the idea of being a newspaper reporter.  I love my guys.  I love breaking news.  I love the adrenaline rush.  I don’t love the hours, the lack of sleep, the lack of money, but hey – I was getting used to it.

Now, beginning January 16, I will be switching gears all over again.  Regular hours, no more picture taking, starting at the bottom, learning a whole new medium in a relatively unfamiliar area.  I’m nervous, I don’t know where my life is heading, and everyone is warning me that the guy I’m going to work for is… difficult.  

I feel like I’m standing on the rim of a cliff and no matter which way I turn, I have to jump.

A good friend of mine gave me a country music CD recently.  Country music has not been my favorite to date, but I was willing to give it a shot.  I loved it.  And of course, the timing was perfect.  There is a song on this CD that made all the difference.  The chorus says, “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”

I’m not sitting this one out.