Now and Zen
Over the last two days I took a few hours to forget about everything and just live in the moment.
I was reading a book on the couch at about 3 yesterday afternoon when Savannah crawled into my lap for a cuddle. She was just laying there and I thought she might enjoy a read too, so I told her to go get a book. She grabbed a couple of Junie B. Jones books and we read together for about 15 minutes. She was thrilled to be on chapter 2 in such a short time, but both of our eyes were getting droopy so we decided to move our little reading party to my bed.
After gathering all the requisite paraphernalia, i.e., Savannah's "sitting up" pillow and fuzzy pink pillow, more picture books and a blanket we both could share, we were settled in nicely for the rest of the afternoon. She was asleep in about 10 minutes.
As I lay there with her arm curled around my waist, her little body neatly spooned against my back with the blanket tucked around the two of us, I made a conscious decision to not worry about anything for at least an hour. I took a big deep breath and blew it out, and with it I let everything go. I was asleep in about 5 minutes.
We slept away the afternoon together and I let all my spinning plates fall, if only for a little while.
Today I went swimming with the kids. It was my first full romp in the pool all summer and we had great fun. As usual, when I finally make it into the pool I think what an idiot I've been for not getting in sooner. I could really tell how out of shape I was though, and my neck has been causing me serious problems, so I've begun exercising again and I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow.
How's that for a jump?
I was reading a book on the couch at about 3 yesterday afternoon when Savannah crawled into my lap for a cuddle. She was just laying there and I thought she might enjoy a read too, so I told her to go get a book. She grabbed a couple of Junie B. Jones books and we read together for about 15 minutes. She was thrilled to be on chapter 2 in such a short time, but both of our eyes were getting droopy so we decided to move our little reading party to my bed.
After gathering all the requisite paraphernalia, i.e., Savannah's "sitting up" pillow and fuzzy pink pillow, more picture books and a blanket we both could share, we were settled in nicely for the rest of the afternoon. She was asleep in about 10 minutes.
As I lay there with her arm curled around my waist, her little body neatly spooned against my back with the blanket tucked around the two of us, I made a conscious decision to not worry about anything for at least an hour. I took a big deep breath and blew it out, and with it I let everything go. I was asleep in about 5 minutes.
We slept away the afternoon together and I let all my spinning plates fall, if only for a little while.
Today I went swimming with the kids. It was my first full romp in the pool all summer and we had great fun. As usual, when I finally make it into the pool I think what an idiot I've been for not getting in sooner. I could really tell how out of shape I was though, and my neck has been causing me serious problems, so I've begun exercising again and I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow.
How's that for a jump?
posted by Cas at 11:21 PM
4 Comments:
Ever feel like nothing in life will ever be normal again? Then something like this happens and you think, maybe, just maybe, life will get back to normal. I'm sure Savannah really enjoyed the quality time she got to spend with her momma all by herself. it was great for both of you.
Nothing in life will ever be the old the normal again.
The adjustment comes with accepting the new normal.
I so proud of you though!!! It really brings tears to my eyes to know that you are doing so well!!!
Me too - you are handling the process very well and I think you are eventually going to be back to a semi normal life - because if life were really "normal" it would be boring but you and your family have been through quite a bit and you are moving on at the pace that is just right for you - Still have you in my prayers and thoughts - hang in there - the days will start to feel easier to handle the further you are from the death of your son. And just think - school will be starting soon so that will help - you will need to fill your other void once the younguns return to school - so you will find some writing or something to do during those hours (I say volunteer at your kids' schools for something - room mother, reading helper, even in the office - just to keep your mind off an empty house while the kids are in school) -
Just take it one day at a time and you will make it - E :)
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